Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
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