Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
