So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize
