we're blogging at a bar
I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
