I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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