problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
