i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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