Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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