life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
