i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
