can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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