I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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