also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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