If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
