just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
No stitches, just platelets and will power
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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