...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I deserve this hangover.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize