ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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