im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
