"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
And then my night got REAL pukey
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Randomize
