forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
