Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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