Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Drunk is a universal language darling
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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