The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
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