I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Randomize
