you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
