Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
whose ass print is on the piano?
Just high enough for therapy.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
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