I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Randomize
