She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
