that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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