John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
You pole danced in your parka.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I think I just sharted jello shots
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
