I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
