I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Randomize