you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
