On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
