You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
