this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Randomize
