i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
