pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
