the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Randomize
