i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
