So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize
