More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
