You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
