u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Just high enough for therapy.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
