Duck Duck Cougar?
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
