When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
So many bounce houses so little time
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize