so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
