CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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