You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
