im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Randomize
