Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
