I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
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