Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
