So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
