too bad you live with your parents still
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
