those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
