This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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