The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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