It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
