the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
