weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
