Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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