We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I just want to make out with him forever
Ladies don't puke and tell
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
