I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
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