the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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